Chronic Illness and saying 'I'm Fine'

Having a chronic illness of any sort is one of those things that unless you have one, they are hard to understand. The problem with that is when you tell someone about your chronic illness, the general response is "oh my _____ also has that sometimes, but they're doing good and getting better, so you will too". Don't get me wrong, that can be encouraging at times, but that ___ person probably isn't doing nearly as good as you think they may be. The instinctive reaction when someone asks how you are doing when you have a chronic illness is 'I'm fine' because saying that is easier than explaining all of the pain you are in, in that moment. Having a chronic illness turns you into a pro at hiding your symptoms, pretending everything is good and going to work/school/running errands without blinking an eye, even though you may be experiencing gut-wrenching pain.

Very often, you will see a person with a chronic illness smiling and laughing, seeming to enjoy themselves, but the reality is, is that is truly the easiest thing to do in that moment. They are already tired from living with chronic pain and fatigue and explaining everything takes energy that needs to be used for something else like walking to class or getting groceries.

So, to people who don't have a chronic illness, read this and know that hiding things, isn't something done intentionally, but it's done to save energy for later.

Chronically ill people are basically trained to hide their symptoms from you, which leads to you never knowing how they are truly doing-- don't look at their life and think they must be doing better because they are smiling or look nice that day. In that moment they are smiling, but last night they could have been up all night fighting nausea from the amount of pain they are experiencing, or from the medication they are taking to try and lessen the pain. You don't know that when they woke up that morning they were doubled over in pain before they even looked in the mirror, but told themselves to get it together and went to work anyway. They may look nice to cover the black eye they have from the nonstop throbbing of their head. They question everything. Themselves, their doctors, their loved ones and everyone around them because trusting has become hard for them. The medical field has helped them and hurt them, the people closest to them have a hard time understanding the pain that they can't see. You don't see, or know about the days that they cry into their pillow the minute they wake up because the pain is so overwhelming and they don't know how they will go on. You see them, and they smile and laugh, but they do that because they are too tired to tell you the truth. 

How do I know this? It is because I have experienced everything that is listed about. I have gone to work right after painful injections, taken notes during a lecture while fighting nausea, taken medication in the bathroom at social gatherings and walked out pretending nothing was wrong. I have spent hours covering up black eyes before heading out of the house. I am writing this because we are called to be vulnerable with people, and with God, but sometimes saying 'I'm fine/good' with a smile is easier than saying 'I'm fighting to stay standing and slept 4 hours last night so I'm not sure if I will make it through the rest of the day'. There is a time and place for being vulnerable and open among people, but that trust and openness isn't given to everyone in every situation. When I say 'I'm fine' I am saying it because sometimes I can barely hold it together, I am not saying it because I don't trust you or think you won't understand, I say it because, in that moment, I don't have the energy to explain why I am not fine. 

Next time you talk to someone you know who has a chronic illness and they reply with 'I'm fine' when asked how they are doing, think twice about it. Don't ask them to explain themselves, give them a hug, bring them food, send an encouraging text, tell them you're praying for them, support them. I promise you, they are doing their best to live as 'normal' as possible, but that can be hard at times. Hold that hope for them that healing is possible, and that they are doing good. Be there for them when you can, don't get upset when they cancel plans or feel offended when they don't tell you how they are really doing. We are called to 'bare each other burdens' (Galatians 6:2) as Christians so instead of judging others or calling them out for not being completely honest, ask them how you can help them. Love them. 

**I didn't write this to get attention or complain about how hard life can be with a chronic illness. I wrote it to explain that invisible illness' are a real thing, and people don't hide them because they feel like it. They are hidden because they are invisible and hard to explain and live with when people have a hard time believing what they can't see or feel.**