3 Years.
This day, 3 years ago was a very different day. It should have been an ordinary day, a day that had a routine wisdom teeth extraction, videos of the aftermath of laughing gas, lots of liquids, and an ice compress to make chipmunk cheeks not seem nearly so big. That is exactly how the day started, the ending was not quite as planned or normal. I started the day in the hospital and also ended the day there.
This day seems to bring conflicting feelings as to whether it is a day of celebration or a day of pain and sorrow.
It brings pain and sorrow as it is a day that changed the course of my life completely. It brought and still brings so much pain, struggle and hurt into my life. The accident that occurred 3 years ago has brought problems into my life that without them my life would be drastically different. So many tears have been cried and so many days, weeks have been spent in bed, doing nothing. Being too sick to do anything. Without the events of the day, my life would be in a completely different place and would have taken a route very different than it did. In the blink of an eye, my entire life was altered.
This day also brings joy and encouragement in addition to the pain and sorrow. I have made it through 1,095 days with a migraine. I have made it through 1,095 days in a lot of pain. I have made it through 1,095 days without giving up, without letting Satan win. Some days were much harder than others, but what a celebration to be able to look back and see how far I have come. It is encouraging to see that number and know that I have made it through that many days and that I can continue to make it through each and every day that lies ahead.
I am finding that seeing that number "1,095" is hard to understand and determine how I feel about it. I am encouraged by it and knowing that I have made it this far in pain and that I can continue each day until the pain is no more. The number is also a source of pain as well. It brings up many questions... "when will this end?", "when will this pain end?" "when will I get even 5 minutes without this migraine?" "why is this still going on?". These questions are things that I have asked for almost the entirety of the 3 years, but I am no longer looking for them to be answered. God's timing is not our timing and what is 3 years for me, could be 3 minutes to Him. I can ask all the questions I want, but God is still sovereign and He doesn't have to provide an answer for every 'why'. When we commit to following Christ and put our faith and trust in Him, that doesn't mean we are going to gain full understanding as to why everything is the way it is. It is actually the complete opposite.. by saying we trust God and acknowledge that His ways are not our ways, we need to realize that we are not going to understand a lot of the things that God will call us to do, but we still have to trust and just do them.
I wouldn't wish the pain and suffering from the last 3 years of my life upon my worst enemy, but I also wouldn't change that day or what happened. That day changed me as a person and changed the focus of my life from trying to figure out how to have the most successful life possible, to giving God the lead and going where He calls me, knowing that where He calls me is far more important than what is considered "successful" in this world.
Hard days, week, months, years, and situations all suck. They are never fun nor would they be chosen if given the option, but they bring so much growth and so many new perspectives in life that can only be found in those hard times. Don't let your situation cloud your vision. Keep your eyes on God.
This day seems to bring conflicting feelings as to whether it is a day of celebration or a day of pain and sorrow.
It brings pain and sorrow as it is a day that changed the course of my life completely. It brought and still brings so much pain, struggle and hurt into my life. The accident that occurred 3 years ago has brought problems into my life that without them my life would be drastically different. So many tears have been cried and so many days, weeks have been spent in bed, doing nothing. Being too sick to do anything. Without the events of the day, my life would be in a completely different place and would have taken a route very different than it did. In the blink of an eye, my entire life was altered.
This day also brings joy and encouragement in addition to the pain and sorrow. I have made it through 1,095 days with a migraine. I have made it through 1,095 days in a lot of pain. I have made it through 1,095 days without giving up, without letting Satan win. Some days were much harder than others, but what a celebration to be able to look back and see how far I have come. It is encouraging to see that number and know that I have made it through that many days and that I can continue to make it through each and every day that lies ahead.
I am finding that seeing that number "1,095" is hard to understand and determine how I feel about it. I am encouraged by it and knowing that I have made it this far in pain and that I can continue each day until the pain is no more. The number is also a source of pain as well. It brings up many questions... "when will this end?", "when will this pain end?" "when will I get even 5 minutes without this migraine?" "why is this still going on?". These questions are things that I have asked for almost the entirety of the 3 years, but I am no longer looking for them to be answered. God's timing is not our timing and what is 3 years for me, could be 3 minutes to Him. I can ask all the questions I want, but God is still sovereign and He doesn't have to provide an answer for every 'why'. When we commit to following Christ and put our faith and trust in Him, that doesn't mean we are going to gain full understanding as to why everything is the way it is. It is actually the complete opposite.. by saying we trust God and acknowledge that His ways are not our ways, we need to realize that we are not going to understand a lot of the things that God will call us to do, but we still have to trust and just do them.
I wouldn't wish the pain and suffering from the last 3 years of my life upon my worst enemy, but I also wouldn't change that day or what happened. That day changed me as a person and changed the focus of my life from trying to figure out how to have the most successful life possible, to giving God the lead and going where He calls me, knowing that where He calls me is far more important than what is considered "successful" in this world.
Hard days, week, months, years, and situations all suck. They are never fun nor would they be chosen if given the option, but they bring so much growth and so many new perspectives in life that can only be found in those hard times. Don't let your situation cloud your vision. Keep your eyes on God.
Comments
Post a Comment