I Have Decided...
Ever feel like the world around you is spinning out of control, one moment you are on top of the world, and the next you are in the deepest, darkest pit? You can go to bed at feel so in control and aware of all the things going on and all the things you need to get done, but then wake up in the morning and feel so overwhelmed and stressed. Today was one of those days, I went to bed last night feeling at peace with everything that the next couple weeks would entail, and woke up this morning feeling so overwhelmed and as though I was drowning in my to-do list. I had this so much anxiety rising inside of me and just couldn't handle it.
At that moment, I decided that instead of trying to block the stress and anxiety out and put it somewhere to simmer and then go back to it later was a bad idea. Instead, I pulled out my Bible, and notebook and began to pray and go to God with everything that was a stressor in my life. I prayed and listened. Listened to God and gave Him time to respond to me and comfort me. I made a list of every single thing that was causing me anxiety and leading me to worry. As I was doing that, I had music playing quietly in the background, and this song came on.
"I have Decided" isn't a song that is particularly new, or put on the radio as often anymore, but recently it has become a song that has changed my outlook on a lot of things. Two weeks ago, my Thursday felt the same way, I was overwhelmed and had a lot going on that I wasn't completely sure I wanted to take on. My goal that day was to finish my notes for the weekend to come and pray over them. Pray that the Holy Spirit would take control of them and guide my words with them. Sunday came, and it was time for me to do something scary. I was asked to speak at a youth conference, for approximately 1200 people. I am by no means a public speaker, and I usually did anything and everything to get out of it, yet here I was in front of all of these people, being vulnerable (which I also try to get out of having to do if I can), and sharing why God is so good all of the time. The worship band for the weekend was on right before me, and the final song they played was "I Have Decided". At that moment while the song was playing, I felt this immense amount of peace and comfort just surrounding me. It felt so right to be there and the song confirmed it- I have decided to follow Jesus and sometimes that means leaving your comfort zone to do His good work. I don't really know what happened as I spoke, all I know is that the Holy Spirit completely took over and spoke through me. I didn't stutter or talk to fast, I didn't lose my place as I was talking, none of that. Everything that I was scared was going to happen, didn't happen, God was there with me at that moment to comfort me and guide me and my words.
When I was done, and backstage, I was talking to some of the speakers, and event coordinators, and said that I had hoped and prayed that something I said, would change just one life, that would make all the anxiousness leading up to it worth it. The event coordinator asked if I wanted to find out, she told me there was a break scheduled right then to change the stage for the next speaker, and that if I wanted, I could go out in the lobby area and talk to some people. I surprised myself and jumped at the opportunity to go talk to people. Let me tell you though, when I got out there, I was in complete awe of what God had done. I got to talk to so many people, both leaders, and youth and pray with so many of them. You could see God's fingerprints everywhere that day, it was so surreal to watch Him work in those around me and use me to work in them. By the time I had gone through the line of people waiting to talk to me, I was heading backstage and the worship group was back on (I had completely missed the speaker after me due to getting to talk to so many people), but this is where once again God steps in and shows how near He is. Over the last couple years the song "I Will Follow" has been really influential in the way that we are called to walk with God. I have had many conversations regarding the fact that when we sing it, we need to realize what we are singing and what we are committing to. It's one thing to sing a song or pray for something, but it's another thing when it happens and it's what you prayed for. Anyway, this song was playing as I was walking backstage and I couldn't contain the tears running down my face. I have sung this song at camp, at church, in my bedroom, even in my car, asking God to use me and use the pain and struggle He has given me, for something good. I have said 'I will follow', and God had given me this speaking opportunity to follow Him and His plan and I honestly didn't want to follow it, I wanted nothing to do with it, but I had prayed for it so it wasn't "fair" to say no now. Having that song played at the exact time I was leaving was God showing up for the 100th time that day. It was confirmation that when He leads, and we follow, He won't leave us or abandon us- that He is going to be right there with us every moment.
The times where I have felt most overwhelmed and anxious haven't always been the times that I have chosen to look to God first. Now that I have started to, for any and all situations, it has changed the way I see God in my life. It has made me more aware of the work He is doing in my life and has taught me that just because it's scary, does not mean it will be bad. Sometimes in the scariest of things, it makes God seem so much clearer.
I challenge you to be intentional in your prayers, expect what you're praying for to happen, and be ready when it does, but also be ready for God to not answer it, and show up in a different way. Step out of your comfort zone, trust God with the scary, big things that seem to big to conquor. They are to big for you to conquor alone, so go to Christ, lean on Him and He will provide in everyway that is needed in that moment. God isn't going to lead you somewhere He isn't going to be. Go to Him when life is too overwhelming, and your anxiety, and stress are through the roof. I promise, opening your Bible, and your heart to the Lord will be so worth it. Invite Him into those moments, and go to Him for your peace.
At that moment, I decided that instead of trying to block the stress and anxiety out and put it somewhere to simmer and then go back to it later was a bad idea. Instead, I pulled out my Bible, and notebook and began to pray and go to God with everything that was a stressor in my life. I prayed and listened. Listened to God and gave Him time to respond to me and comfort me. I made a list of every single thing that was causing me anxiety and leading me to worry. As I was doing that, I had music playing quietly in the background, and this song came on.
"I have Decided" isn't a song that is particularly new, or put on the radio as often anymore, but recently it has become a song that has changed my outlook on a lot of things. Two weeks ago, my Thursday felt the same way, I was overwhelmed and had a lot going on that I wasn't completely sure I wanted to take on. My goal that day was to finish my notes for the weekend to come and pray over them. Pray that the Holy Spirit would take control of them and guide my words with them. Sunday came, and it was time for me to do something scary. I was asked to speak at a youth conference, for approximately 1200 people. I am by no means a public speaker, and I usually did anything and everything to get out of it, yet here I was in front of all of these people, being vulnerable (which I also try to get out of having to do if I can), and sharing why God is so good all of the time. The worship band for the weekend was on right before me, and the final song they played was "I Have Decided". At that moment while the song was playing, I felt this immense amount of peace and comfort just surrounding me. It felt so right to be there and the song confirmed it- I have decided to follow Jesus and sometimes that means leaving your comfort zone to do His good work. I don't really know what happened as I spoke, all I know is that the Holy Spirit completely took over and spoke through me. I didn't stutter or talk to fast, I didn't lose my place as I was talking, none of that. Everything that I was scared was going to happen, didn't happen, God was there with me at that moment to comfort me and guide me and my words.
When I was done, and backstage, I was talking to some of the speakers, and event coordinators, and said that I had hoped and prayed that something I said, would change just one life, that would make all the anxiousness leading up to it worth it. The event coordinator asked if I wanted to find out, she told me there was a break scheduled right then to change the stage for the next speaker, and that if I wanted, I could go out in the lobby area and talk to some people. I surprised myself and jumped at the opportunity to go talk to people. Let me tell you though, when I got out there, I was in complete awe of what God had done. I got to talk to so many people, both leaders, and youth and pray with so many of them. You could see God's fingerprints everywhere that day, it was so surreal to watch Him work in those around me and use me to work in them. By the time I had gone through the line of people waiting to talk to me, I was heading backstage and the worship group was back on (I had completely missed the speaker after me due to getting to talk to so many people), but this is where once again God steps in and shows how near He is. Over the last couple years the song "I Will Follow" has been really influential in the way that we are called to walk with God. I have had many conversations regarding the fact that when we sing it, we need to realize what we are singing and what we are committing to. It's one thing to sing a song or pray for something, but it's another thing when it happens and it's what you prayed for. Anyway, this song was playing as I was walking backstage and I couldn't contain the tears running down my face. I have sung this song at camp, at church, in my bedroom, even in my car, asking God to use me and use the pain and struggle He has given me, for something good. I have said 'I will follow', and God had given me this speaking opportunity to follow Him and His plan and I honestly didn't want to follow it, I wanted nothing to do with it, but I had prayed for it so it wasn't "fair" to say no now. Having that song played at the exact time I was leaving was God showing up for the 100th time that day. It was confirmation that when He leads, and we follow, He won't leave us or abandon us- that He is going to be right there with us every moment.
The times where I have felt most overwhelmed and anxious haven't always been the times that I have chosen to look to God first. Now that I have started to, for any and all situations, it has changed the way I see God in my life. It has made me more aware of the work He is doing in my life and has taught me that just because it's scary, does not mean it will be bad. Sometimes in the scariest of things, it makes God seem so much clearer.
I challenge you to be intentional in your prayers, expect what you're praying for to happen, and be ready when it does, but also be ready for God to not answer it, and show up in a different way. Step out of your comfort zone, trust God with the scary, big things that seem to big to conquor. They are to big for you to conquor alone, so go to Christ, lean on Him and He will provide in everyway that is needed in that moment. God isn't going to lead you somewhere He isn't going to be. Go to Him when life is too overwhelming, and your anxiety, and stress are through the roof. I promise, opening your Bible, and your heart to the Lord will be so worth it. Invite Him into those moments, and go to Him for your peace.
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